Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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