and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
