Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
