I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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