Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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