She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize