I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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