Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
