k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize