I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
