I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
