I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize