i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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