Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
