Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
