My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
