I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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