I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
