I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
