At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
