hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
