White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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