i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He better not be in your backpack
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
