he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
