Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
