....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
