I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
