You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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