She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize