bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
