were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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