god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
