My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
