Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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