She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
