The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
