is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
