you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
