I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
