I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
