I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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