Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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