I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
