Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
