cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am one with the molecules
My ass is underappreciated
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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