I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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