I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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