I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if only i could text you this smell
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
