Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
