franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
