Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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