Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize