It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
