Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize