Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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