my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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