dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
