I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
