Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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