i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
