he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
