thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize