I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
