i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
