It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
