So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
