Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
