Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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