When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You made out with two different species that night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
