i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
