I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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