I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
