mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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