we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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